Failure

Welcome back! Right? The excitement of another school year and the anxious faces awaiting all the wisdom you have to bring to them. Right? It is the "adventure" of education that takes over as you realize this is the greatest job in the world. Right? I am not certain that this is how I should feel or not but to be honest with you I don't. To be honest, I want to quit. I do. If I denied that, I wouldn't be honest. I do want to quit. I feel very much like I am failing. As a first year teacher, I am told it is normal to feel this way. I am drowning with everything that needs to be done and so many different students' needs to meet. All my ideas and creative solutions seem to have gone out the window. My confidence as a teacher is dwindleing everyday. My organization is getting worse instead of better. Classroom management is a work in progress. I have already missed two friends' invites because I literally forgot about them as I have been working 70+ hours a week. By no means, am I trying to convery that I am a martyr for education. In fact, I feel far from it. It is a normal first year teacher life. The long hours, the feeling of failure, lack of self-confidence, loss of sleep, and lots of PBJ because that's the only thing you have time to fix are all part of this excruciating learning process. In fact, I am told that all of this gets even worse before it gets better. Do I think I will keep failing? Of course! Do I think this is hard? Yes! Do I believe and trust that this is where I need to be? Definetly. That's the only thing I am holding onto right now, my faith. One day I'll get there. As a wise friend once told me, "it's time to submit to the process". The experience of failure, oh it's brutal. It's painful. You begin to see your flaws. You begin to humble yourself. It's messy. However, God always has you right where he wants you. This too is all part of the process.